We Only Find Them When They’re Dead #1

dead

Blasphemy! Carving up the body of a god is nigh unforgivable! Witness the damning of a whole crew in We Only Find Them When They’re Dead, chapter 1, verses 1-32!

This is the scripture according to the “Immortal” Al Ewing!
As immortalized by Simone Di Meo!

The official plot:

“On the edge of space where humanity is harvesting the corpses of giant alien gods to survive. * No one has ever seen a living god, but Captain Malik is obsessed with being the first. * Captain Malik and the crew of the Vihaan II harvest the only resources that matter from the giant corpses of alien gods found on the edge of human space. While other autopsy ships race to salvage the meat, minerals, and metals that sustain the human race, Malik sees an opportunity to finally break free from this system. * But Malik’s obsession with the gods will push his crew into the darkest reaches of space, bringing them face to face with a threat unlike anything they’ve ever imagined – unless the rogue agent on their trail can stop them first…”

BOOM!

Now that’s just a LITTLE embellishment for the one issue that’s been printed. We may not get to all of this stuff in issue #1, but things do seem to be going this way.

dead
A giant body floating in space and the first thing you think of is chopping it up for parts?

My Impressions:

  • Interesting concept, harvesting giant bodies for resources. (I heard eye jelly was going for big bucks!) Throw in the competition with other salvagers over armor or certain body parts and you’ve got a great backdrop.
  • Artwork and Style: There is no two ways about it…there is a LOT going in in this space. Bright, bold and one of the most dynamic uses of irregular panels I’ve seen. It felt like watching an anime.
  • Will I be coming back: Totally, the premise and the teased character development has me hooked. We all know that first issues tend to get more care than later issues, but Ewing has a good reputation, so I’m hopeful.
dead
OMG they’re ALL rule breakers! Gasp!

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Georges Malik (Captain)
  • Ella Hauer (Coroner)
  • Alice Wirth (Quartermaster)
  • Jason Hauer (Engineer)
  • Paula Richter (Officer on Duty)

Bottom Line: 4 Stars!

When I read the solicitation for We Only Find Them When They’re Dead, I really wasn’t sure what to expect. What was a god? Why was it dead? Why were they harvesting it? The actual book delivered quite well. Semi-dystopian future. Abundant resources literally showing up out of nowhere. To top it off, there are already hints of murder, revenge and ambition. Yeah, I’m in!

Joker / Harley: Criminal Sanity #5

Joker

Be sober-minded; be watchful! Your adversary prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour! Guard your soul as we discuss Joker / Harley: Criminal Sanity, chapter 5, verses 1-32!

These are their chronicles as witnessed by the talented Kami Garcia.
Translated from the word by Jason Badower.

The official plot:

“Dr. Harley Quinn has confronted horrific crime scenes created by a serial murderer who treats his work as high art. But when she is confronted by the killer himself, her life takes a drastic turn. Will she be able to return to the status quo, and simply help the GCPD to catch this killer? Or will the encounter change her forever?”

DC Black Label

This is not the Harley Quinn that you know. This is the hard nosed profiler working with the GCPD to investigate the Joker’s crimes. She’s tough and determined…there’s no way that the Joker is ever going to shake her. I hope…

Joker
The meeting of a lifetime.

My Impressions:

  • Black Label worthy material. This Joker isn’t crazy. He presents as calm, cool, artistic and scarier than any other Joker I’ve seen.
  • Beautiful artistry. Realistic, unexaggerated expression. Stark contrast of color with black and white.
  • Is it worth the magazine format? Oh, hell yes it is!
Joker
Have you ever seen a straw break a camel’s back??? I have.

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Harley Quinn
  • Joker
  • James Gordon

Bottom Line: 5 Stars!

This is the most realistic take on the Harley/Joker relationship I’ve ever seen. Harley is one tough woman, bent on proving herself as a profiler for the GCPD. Joker is one of the coldest serial killers there is. This, their first meeting, doesn’t disappoint and doesn’t fall into the therapist falls for her patient trope. [Editor’s Note: this is essentially an alternate timeline where Harley is helping the police, or we will find out in the end that this isn’t really the joker, only a copycat. Time will tell on this one.] There’s still time though…we’re only halfway through the series.

Wolverine #5, “BLOOD CLOCKS!”

Wolverine

Brothers and Sisters! There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, who intend to devour us in our sleep! Heed then, the warnings of Wolverine, chapter 5, verses 1-32!

This is the story as scribed by Benjamin Percy!
Given life on the page by Viktor Bogdanović!

The official plot:

“In the snowbound darkness of the north, Wolverine is the prisoner of Dracula. By forming an unlikely alliance, Logan fights back. Stakes, claws, tricked-out snowmobiles and wintry mayhem await you.”

Marvel Comics

Wolverine versus vampires…so yeah, Marvel’s description is on point. Meaning there’s not much of a plot…but it’s violent and pretty, so I bought it anyway.

Wolverine
That’s one helluva recruiting speech.

My Impressions:

  • Growl, snarl, snikt, stab! Nuff said!
  • Sorry Mr. Silvestri, I think Bogdanovic has elevated himself to my favorite Wolverine artist. There is no doubt that bold expressions and confident lines set a great tone for a book that’s basically “The Lost Boys” with a twist.
  • Crossover Dependency: Thankfully, none. Thus far the Wolverine title has kept itself mostly separate from the mega X-Men behemoth. Feel free to jump in any time.
Wolverine
Vampires! Come out to plaaaaaay!

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Wolverine (Logan / James Howlett)
  • Omega Red (Arkady Gregorivich Rossovich)
  • Dracula (Vlad Tepes | Marvel)
  • Final page Fortnite crossover

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

Pissed off Wolverine…you’ve got to love this! Good, bloody, wholesome violence. With vampires. There’s even a throwaway reason for them to have come after our favorite Canadian. Don’t you dare pretend you wanted some drama from this title!

Marauders #12, “The New Phase”

Marauders

My friends! We have two lessons before us to choose from today: an eye-for-an-eye, or turn-the-other-cheek! Witness our sister Kate Pryde’s dilemma in the book of Marauders, chapter 12, verses 1-32!

This is the word according to “I’d rather be writing Deadpool” Gerry Duggan!
Corroborated visually by “I also have a thing for Deadpool” Matteo Lolli!

The official plot:

“RED RECKONING! The Black King removed the Red Queen from the board…what move will the White Queen make?”

Marvel Comics

Does this solicitation feel like an afterthought to anyone else? It’s like they didn’t even try to make it sound interesting. (Full disclosure: It’s not)

Marauders
This feels wrong. They don’t throw a party for every resurrection…why Kate? It’s because she’s a Queen isn’t it? Figures!

My Impressions:

  • Marvel/Duggan spend 10 issues building on the fact that Kate is actively rejected by Krakoa. Turns out she just needed to be rebooted.
  • The whole issue is visually off-putting. I mean, it’s a party…why are some of these folks wearing their battle gear, while Kate is in a party dress?
  • Crossover Dependency: You’ll need a passing understanding of the overall X-men paradigm.
Marauders
Is it really “murder” if the victim can be resurrected at any time?

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Black King (Sebastian Shaw)
  • Bishop (Lucas Bishop)
  • White Queen (Emma Frost)
  • Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner)
  • Storm (Ororo Munroe)
  • Katherine ‘Kitty’ Pryde
  • Magik (Illyana Rasputin)
  • Prestige (Rachael Grey)
  • Wolverine (Logan/James Howlett)

Bottom Line: 2 Stars!

I want to like Marauders. It started as an interesting concept of a team to swoop up all those folks that, for whatever reason, couldn’t use Krakoan gates. Basically an X-men search and rescue! Unfortunately this title just seems to wander around doing next to nothing. I believe we’ve had something like two missions in 10 issues? Kate and her crew deserve better.

New Mutants #12, “Monster Machine”

New Mutants

“I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. Then they will know that I am Mutant!” Heed the lessons from the book of New Mutants, chapter 12, verses 1-32!

This is the word according to the erratic Ed Brisson.
As envisioned by the forgettable Marco Failla.

The official plot:

“The human world never seems to tire of lashing out at Krakoa. The NEW MUTANTS have their ways of striking back.”

Marvel Comicsl

If you count a failed attempt to make people feel sad as striking back, yeah, this is the perfect description.

New Mutants
Glob! Use your words! How did he make you feel?

My Impressions:

  • Doxing Bad: Sorry Marvel, you haven’t built this subject up enough in the sub-plot arena for it to carry a full issue. Ultimately that means your message is lost.
  • Bad Judgement: If you’re going for an emotional issue…why would you use Glob? The guy has no face. No face means no facial expression!
  • Great artwork: Not so much. I really felt that this was cartooned out. I couldn’t help but think of some comic strip dad with a pencil behind his ear.
New Mutants
I wonder if they forgot that, by their own laws, mutants are not allowed to kill humans?

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Anole (Victor Borkowski)
  • Glob Herman (Robert Herman)
  • Mirage (Danielle ‘Dani’ Moonstar)
  • Magik (Illyana Rasputin)
  • Trinary
  • Joseph Canning

Bottom Line: 1 Star!

New Mutants has struggled to find an identity since the House of X event, flip flopping between multiple line-ups, which detracts from its potential. As the youngest team, this title should be full of drama and angst. The attempts are there with relevant subject matter. Unfortunately, Marvel just is NOT pulling it off. The sad isn’t sad, the angry isn’t angry and that means the boring IS boring.

Justice League #52, “The Garden of Mercy” part 2

Justice League

Evil plants of all kinds will grow on many worlds! Their leaves will not wither, and if you heed not your own common sense, they will eat you! Don’t believe me…see Justice League, chapter 52, verses 1-32!

This is the word of Jeff Loveness. As envisioned by Robson Rocha. If you’re thinking “Who??” you are forgiven. I did too.

The official plot:

“For the first time, the Justice League explores the planet of the Black Mercy’s origin. One flower is enough to incapacitate even the strongest hero, but with an entire planet full of them, the Justice League must steel their minds or else succumb to the withering effects of the great tree at the core. With Batman unable to cope, can Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, and Green Lantern survive the horrors of their souls?”

DC Comics

They should have just called this one…”Batman’s origins redone for the 5 millionth time.” Oh, and as per the new normal, Wonder Woman saves the day.

Justice League
Now THAT is one scary Batman!

My Impressions:

  • Regime Change: Wonder Woman really appears to be taking on the “Leader” role…they should just make it official.
  • Visuals: Good with an occasional touch of great.
  • The real “bad”: DC is really bad at the whole “team” thing. They either try to give every member something to do, essentially under using all of them, or focus too much on just one member…like Batman in this issue. It’s seriously bad. Superman or Green Lantern could have legit burned this thing down from a mile in the air, problem solved. Instead, they have to be sidelined so Batman can have an internal struggle that he KNOWS isn’t real.
Justice League
Superman to the rescue, always showing his “human” side.

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Green Lantern (John Stewart)
  • Flash (Barry Allen)
  • Batman (Bruce Wayne)
  • Wonder Woman (Diana)
  • Superman (Kal-El / Clark Kent)

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

Why do I stick around? I’m a fan of these guys separately…and quite honestly I’m afraid I’ll miss something cool. Also, it’s not a bad story…its just been done before. Given all that, I feel they need to fix how they handle the team soon, or I just may bail.

Inkblot #1, Series Premier

Inkblot

They who dabble in the black arts, shall surely be slain by their own creation! So sayeth the book of Inkblot, chapter 1, verses 1-52!

This is the word of…well both Emma Kubert and Rusty Gladd. As envisioned by…Emma Kubert and Rusty Gladd??? What is this the Beatles? Please pick a lane and stay in it!

The official plot:

“This new ONGOING SERIES follows a powerful sorceress attempting to correct her greatest mistake—the creation of a magical cat that can travel through time, space, and reality. The cat threatens to unravel the fabric of the universe, doesn’t care, and just won’t listen!”

Image Comics

The jury is out on the “powerful sorceress” description. I think “accidental” might be more apt. Labeling the cat as her mistake is also a bit harsh, all she was doing was taking a nap. The parts about the cat feel accurate.

Inkblot
If ink is going to react like this, why would you ever store it together?

My Impressions:

  • Physical Fitness: This girl is running everywhere, all the time!
  • Magic Fitness: Spilled ink bringing animals into existence? Seems a bit unstable to me.
  • Caveat Emptor – I feel like I was duped. I thought that the cat would be a bit more purposeful about what it was doing. Like a wizard’s familiar.
  • My daughter says I was not duped…she was expecting EXACTLTY this. Since I have more comics than her, we will use my opinion!
Inkblot
Well…if nothing else, “Fairy farts” is keeping it PG.

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • The Seeker
  • A black cat

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

Without a doubt I came off a bit harsh about this title. Inkblot isn’t bad, it just isn’t what I expected. I get a very Songs for the Dead vibe. For the record, I’m sticking it out a bit longer. The book starts by laying the groundwork for a sprawling magical world, so the potential is really high. I can adjust to the cat not being anything special.

Hellblazer: Rise and Fall #1

Hellblazer

It has been said that the devil prowls around, seeking someone to devour. Hear the story of that meal, our hero John Constantine, from his book of Hellblazer: Rise and Fall, chapter 1, verses 1-52!

This is the scripture according to Tom Taylor.
As envisioned by Darick Robertson.

The official plot:

“A billionaire falls out of the sky and is gruesomely skewered on a church spire. Bizarrely, Angel Wings are attached to his back. More follow until, hallelujah, it’s raining businessmen. Detective Aisha Bukhari is stumped by this, until she’s visited by her childhood friend, occult investigator John Constantine. DC’s Hellblazer discovers a link between the falling elite and a shocking moment in his and Aisha’s misspent youth. How do these killings tie to the first death on John’s hands? How does this involve heaven and hell? Even if this is kind of John’s fault, will Constantine be happy to let a few more rich bastards fall from the sky, like a vindictive Robin Hood?”

DC Black Label

Wow…what a sell job! Raining businessmen? If three constitutes rain, sure…it’s raining. I supposed dabbling in black magic does qualify as a misspent youth. Queue the flashbacks!

Hellblazer
I mean, who wouldn’t be confident if they could summon a ball of fire?

My Impressions:

  • Is it a good story? I feel like it’s been done, but there are two more issues to go. Like I said with the last Hellblazer, I’ve got the first issue so as collector, I’m committed.
  • Is it worthy of the magazine format? Not yet, but it feels like there may be potential…
  • How does it look? Could be better. I’d rather Lucifer look like his normal Vertigo/Black Label self.
Hellblazer
I think the face is for the benefit of those not already familiar with DC’s version of Lucifer.

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • John Constantine
  • Detective Aisha Bukhari
  • Billy Henderson
  • Lucifer

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

Unless you’re a huge John Constantine fan, you can skip this one. Hellblazer aficionados may want this since it has some glimpses into John’s youth. I bought this because I wanted to see Lucifer…too bad they didn’t stick with his cannon appearance. Good thing I’m a forgiving soul.

Die #13, “The Great Game” part 3

Die

Disciples of the polyhedron! Attend carefully to my words, for today we will learn much from the book of Die, chapter 13, verses 1-32!

This is the scripture according to Kieron Gillen. (Awesome name, right?!)
As envisioned by Stephanie Hans. (Wicked covers!!)

The official plot:

““THE GREAT GAME,” Part Three “War isn’t a game” seems obvious. Let one of DIE’s most aggressive masters explain: i) why that isn’t true ii) that war being a game only makes it worse. Can our heroes save the world? Can they save anything?”

Image Comics

Ugh…no one cares about “saving” the world of Die! We want to know how people from the real world were sucked into it! Why did they change? Where did the magic dice come from? (If you pay attention…some of that is in this issue!)

Die
You carry a flamberge and thought there WOULDN’T be a fight?!?!

My Impressions:

  • On H.G. Wells and war games: Unless they are building him up to play a bigger role down the line, this was pointless.
  • The revelation about Die: A machine world that is going to combine with our world…in 2020 no less! Oh hell yeah!
  • The self-fulfilling prophecy/time-loop: Well of course it is!
Die
Isabelle on offense? Nice!

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Ash the Dictator
  • Chuck the Fool
  • Matt the Grief Knight
  • Angela the Neo
  • Isabelle the Godbinder
  • Sol the Grandmaster
  • H.G. Wells

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

I’m not going to sugarcoat it, this comic ALWAYS comes with a few head scratching moments. (Like…why did they split the party?) However, that doesn’t detract from the story as a whole, and who doesn’t like a little mystery? This particular issue finally answers some of the questions we’ve had since issue #1, and the wait does seem worth it.

Batman #98, “The Joker War” part 4

Batman

Brothers and sisters! Pay heed to the actions of the Joker for he will cause madness in Gotham! They will drink and stagger and go mad because of the poison that he has sent among them! So sayeth the book of Batman, chapter 98, verses 1-32!

This is the scripture according to the prolific James Tynion IV.
As envisioned by the not-as-prolific Jorge Jimenez

The official plot:

““The Joker War” part four of six! Batman is at his most vulnerable following a massive dose of an experimental new Joker toxin. With the Dark Knight haunted by demons and visions, it’s up to Harley Quinn to protect him while he recovers-because Punchline is on her way!”

DC Comics

This one should have had “Harley Quinn” graffitied over Batman in the title. The Harley/Punchline rematch is where all the action is. Batman spends the majority of the issue stuck in his own head, talking to Alfred.

Batman
Round 2, FIGHT!

My Impressions:

  • Harley/Punchline: I dug it…more than just punches and insults, there’s some real girl talk during the fight.
  • Alfred dealing out some tough love! (Even if he is a figment of Bruce’s drugged mind.)
  • I’m Batman: Nice presentation, but not quite as powerful as intended. Sorry, you’re not going to shake the meme with this one.
Batman
Um…excuse me Mr. Batman. Don’t you think you should give Harley a little credit?

Notable Appearances/Events:

  • Batman (Bruce Wayne)
  • Harley Quinn (Harleen Frances Quinzel)
  • Punchline (Alexis Kayne)
  • Alfred Pennyworth
  • Catwoman (Selina Kyle)
  • Penguin (Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot)
  • Riddler (Edward Nigma)
  • Scarecrow (Jonathan Crane)
  • Joker
  • Killer Croc (Waylon Jones)
  • Mad Hatter (Jervis Tetch)
  • Professor Pyg (Lazlo Valentin)

Bottom Line: 3 Stars!

Harley and Punchline steal the show in this one. It wasn’t quite as campy as I thought it would be. As for Batman…can we PLEASE move on from pining after Alfred now? I think that’s the set-up here…but I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of our favorite butler.